Being a dork can be a dangerous thing..in heels

I was born”banlag” or walleyed. A genetic funny from the universe that taught me at an early age that evil can hide in the most mundane of places like cafteteria lunch lines. I was the classic dork: Glasses , unkept hair ( to hide freak eyeball) ,  hunched over a book ( anti human device ), and a serious problem with my people skills. I suppose I would have happily walked around like this for the rest of my life but the universe had other ideas.

When I was around high school , I was convinced that physical perfection was a sign of a limited intellect.  My logic seemed infallible in my mind and I was content to be me.

Everything was fine until my cousin dragged me to a party, where I saw the first boy to make me wonder what type of girl he would like and wish I was that girl. But I didnt let myself entertain the thought farther than that, a boy like that would never even see me much less talk to me.

But he did talk to me, at first I though he was just trying to get my cousin’s number like every other guy that has ever spoken to me. I waited impatiently for the torture of waiting for him to ask for my cousin’s name number so I was a bit irate with  him for prolonging the inevitable by wasting my time and talking to me.  The world bobbed,whirled, and hopped around, while we stood in the middle of the dance floor perfectly  playing 20 questions.

I finally got tired of waiting for him to get to the point and I asked him if he wanted my cousin’s number . He looked at me funny and said no he really wasnt interested and asked what my worst class was.Without thinking, I said it was French.

At this point , I was rather confused so when he asked me what was the only thing I remember from class, I replied with the most obscure sentence I could think of,  ” Vous le vous coucher avec moi. ”

He smiled and said , “Absolutely.” Then he saw the confused look on my face and asked  me if I knew what it meant. I said yes, ” It means do you want to pillow fight at night” . He replied by saying, “Well, Im sure pillow fights can be arranged but it actually means will you sleep with me tonight. I want to give fair warning  that it isnt a threat its a promise.” and smiled.

I ran.

He eventually tracked me down a few weeks later via my cousin. He said he knew how skittish I was , he would have gotten my cousin’s number just so tracking me down would have been easier.I was dumbfounded and that state more or less lasted for most of our relationship. He was the smartest boy or girl I had ever met. He taught me physics, philosophy, and how to play streetfighter.(He taught me begrudgingly saying  it was a waste of money teaching me to play because girls werent built with the eye hand coordination needed to achieve any true skill. )

A few months later when I got my wits back, I asked him,  “Why did you talk to me ? You could have had anyone in the party. No one usually looks at me much less talk to me.” He simply replied, ” You were the prettiest girl there. Its not my fault idiots cant see past your funny eye. But then again , most men are morons. I bet you even get prettier when you get older. Now that I think about it , I should have waited .”

Now years later, I am finally “older”.  I no longer live in sneakers , t-shirts and worn out jeans and have learned to walk precariously in high heels despite having no depth perception . )Surgery corrected my more obvious eye problems) It took a longer time than Ericson predicted but he did always underestimate how stubborn I was.

(For the record, I can play streetfighter one handed . So he was wrong at least about that. )

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4 thoughts on “Being a dork can be a dangerous thing..in heels

  1. I remember us talking about this. Haha! Same gamerboy experiences. The universe meant it when it brought you to me, baby. LOL.

    “I’ll be a gamergirl… and he will LOVE me!!!”

  2. “…girls weren’t built with the eye hand coordination needed to achieve any true skill.”

    Hey, this is absolutely not true. My girlfriend kicks my butt in Tekken bad enough to warrant hysterical laughter from my nephews.

    • he he he .. he was a bit of a chauvanist ^ ^ but at the time I really couldn’t prove it otherwise. But I eventually learned to kick butt.. about 4 years later ^ ^ by then it was rather too late to prove my point.

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